The fertility journey is a winding road full of “what if’s”, big dreams, potential let-downs, and hopes and expectations. Whether you’re just starting out with trying to conceive, engaged in fertility treatments, or facing infertility issues, it is normal to experience a mix of intense emotions at every step. Add into the mix financial investments, appointments, tough conversations, body changes, and medical and legal considerations, and it can feel like you’re in a pressure cooker. Yet, this time is also a testament to your love and commitment to your future family - a declaration of your intention to create and nurture life.
Having a deep longing for a family with the big unknown of the future can make you want to try to control anyone or anything you can - this is completely understandable! Yet, the attempts to control people, outcomes, and even your own thoughts and emotions, can end up leading to burnout, exhaustion, conflict, anxiety, and depression. Instead of seeking control, you can practice resilience and flexibility by holding space for the complexities of your unique fertility journey, while grounding yourself in the support resources that best buoy your body, mind, and spirit.
Here are some actionable tools that you can practice to feel resilient, flexible, and well-resourced during your fertility journey:
- Acknowledge both the challenges and the joys of this journey. Write or verbalize the parts of the journey that, in this moment, feel the most challenging for you, as well as the parts that feel the most valuable. Making room for the highs and lows helps our minds accept complexity, rather than get stuck in one particular story about how it “should” be.
- Connect with your values rather than fixating on the details of every tiny step. Reconnecting with your “why” - why you are showing up for each appointment, why you keep pushing forward against all odds - can help ground you as you go through the twists and turns of the road you’re on. Ask yourself, what will feel important about this time when I’m looking back on it ten or twenty years from now? This can help you make decisions that feel most aligned with your values.
- Find support and people you can be real with. It’s easy to judge yourself, but having a friend, therapist, or loved one who can listen without any judgment can help release feelings of shame and normalize your experience for you. The fertility journey can be so isolating. Making a concerted effort to talk about your experience with others who are able to hold it with you can feel like a big push at first, but it will be the thing that carries you through in the long-run.
- Make time for rest, playfulness, and creativity - your body and spirit need more of these while working so hard to achieve your reproductive goals. Think of one activity that you know gives your mood a boost, like going for a walk, getting a coffee or tea with a friend, playing music, or cuddling up on the couch with your favorite book or show. Put it into your schedule for this week, and commit to following through. Remind yourself that this is just as important a part of your fertility journey as all the appointments, supplements, and conversations.
- Practice self-soothing. Your nervous system will likely experience stress along the way, because the decision to have a child is possibly the biggest one you will ever make! So when you do notice your cortisol levels rising or anxiety setting in, try out some different self-soothing techniques that you can keep coming back to when you need them. Here are some examples to get you started: taking three slow breaths while holding your hands over your heart; feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin; wrapping yourself up in a blanket; meditating; drinking tea; taking small sips of water; cuddling with a partner or pet; listening to the sound of birds or the breeze.
Wherever you are on your path to creating your beautiful family, you’re not alone, and you got this.
